Monthly Archives: May 2016

Paradise Cemetery

DSCF6290My first visit to the cemetery was a sad event, since it was my grandmother’s funeral, but it was also life-changing in another way – it opened my eyes to a cemetery as a place of family history. There is nothing quite like looking upon a grave stone an seeing a name – your own name – and knowing that name, there, speaks to your own beginnings.

It’s a small plot to house so many family members, but we reuse burial plots. After a few years – seven, I was told, is the permitted window – the remains have decayed to the point where there’s very little left. Certainly that makes grave-digging a very different experience to places where plots will only ever hold the remains of one person.

When I first visited the plot in 1982 it contained the remains of six people in four plots – my great-grandparents, two of their sons, and one of their daughters-in-law. My grandmother made it two daughters-in-law, and my grandfather soon made it three sons. The plot to the left of this picture held their fourth son and his son. The one to the left held their daughter, son-in-law, and another grandson. Behind the photographer were more family plots – another daughter and son-in-law, while further beyond this plot lay another daughter, her husband, and another daughter-in-law. In the decades since, many more family members have joined them.

When first arrived here, I wasn’t aware of any of that (and many of these graves I only discovered in subsequent years, often at later family funerals). I had seen the cemetery before – in fact, a cousin of my father’s live quite nearby – but I had no idea that there was such a place where the family name(s) stood literally carved in stone.

A starting point

Ian Ramjohn portrait, 2015-01-13At some point, writing family history comes down to writing about yourself. Without that nothing unites this disparate collection of people. So I’ll start with me.

I was born in San Fernando, Trinidad and Tobago, the second of my parents three children. My German mother and Trinidadian father had met in London, gotten married in Canada, and after the birth of my sister, moved back to Trinidad.

My first years were spent surrounded by and connected to family. My grandparents, my father’s eight siblings and several of his cousins, and my own growing tribe of cousins. I was the eleventh grandchild of what would eventually be eighteen. More importantly, I was born in the middle of a cluster – there were four of us born in little over a year, nine of us in six years including both my older sister and younger brother.

When I was three we moved to Canada, where we lived for the next six years. Six years doesn’t sound all that long now, but it was a lifetime as a child. Canada played an important role in my development as a fan of family history because there was none (for me). There was history aplenty where we lived, but it wasn’t mine. Moving back to Trinidad at age 9 changed that – it connected me to family – not just my cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents, but my father’s cousins and a few surviving uncles and aunts of his. Some were names I knew or even people I vague remembered, but others were completely new. Having lived without family for so long I wanted to know everything about them. I wanted to know who my ancestors were, to better understand where I came from.

My interest in family history grew with my interest in history. I don’t know where I got the idea of tree thinking from my mother, who showed me how to use it to understand family relationships, or if I got it first from my Kings and Queens of England books, which traced (most notably) the family history behind the War of the Roses. Regardless – one interest fed the other, and soon I was building trees of my grandparents siblings.

But my interest in family history was fed by my interest in history in other ways. My grandparents lived in a house that my great-grandparents had built “almost 100 years ago”. (I was later told “about 1890”; documents later cast doubt on that date.) It also helped that my great-grandparents had started from nothing (indentured labourers imported from India) but ended up very wealthy. (Unfortunately, that wealth didn’t make it down to my generation.) Stories of ancestors also made these people real.

Before returning to Trinidad, death was no more than an idea (and probably one I didn’t grasp very well), but that changed after we returned home. One of my great-uncles died shortly after I met him (by chance, after we prevailed on my father to visit the site where his grandfather had once lived). In Form 1 (6th grade) a teacher died only a short time after he replaced another teacher who quit. (Who we drove to quit.) While these were real enough, they evoked little more than curiosity. Things were to change in short order.

My grandmother died when I was 12. We have been back in Trinidad a little more than three years – a flash for me today, but still a significant amount to time to me then. I had always been close to her – even as a small child – and her death was to remain my most profound experience of death for the next 27 years. And yet, for the budding genealogist, her death was a revelation. Her funeral brought the family in – not just the immediate family, but all sorts of cousins of my father’s, and family friends. And when people gathered, people told stories about the past. And then we went to the corner of the cemetery filled with family plots and headstones of relatives close and distant.

Beginnings

As a child in Canada, I envied my friends who could go away for the weekend to visit their grandparents. I knew I had relatives – my father’s family in Trinidad, my mother’s family in Germany – but I had no sense of place. This place I lived had its history, a line of forts built to guard the border from American incursions, and an older history of conflict between the Hurons, the Algonquins, the Iroquois, the French and the English – a history that fascinated me. But it wasn’t my history.

That changed when I returned to Trinidad at age nine. The past was no longer something that happened to others – now it was my family’s history. And while we may have only been in Trinidad a little over a century (how much, I didn’t know at the time) it was a history that was alive when I sat in my grandparents house while my great-grandparents had built almost a century earlier. And more than that, it was a present filled with hundreds of relatives.

It was there, talking to my grandmother, that my love for family history was born. It may not have been the thing that nine- or ten-year-old boys did. It certainly didn’t earn me the admiration of my peers (though neither, interestingly, did it earn me any additional scorn). But it gave me a sense of belonging, a sense of being rooted in a place, and rooted in a family.

Overview

In the simple sense, your genealogy is your tree of ancestors, a collection of individuals that’s specific only to you (and your siblings). Once you know your ancestors (as far as can be determined) you’re done. You know your roots. But your family is an intersection between two families – your mother’s family, with their set of traditions, and your father’s. That’s where they coincide – chances are, if it wasn’t for you, there’d be little reason for your maternal uncles and your paternal uncles to interact. They’re only there because it’s your birthday. And what about your uncles and aunts? They aren’t part of your tree, not if you organise it narrowly.

What you end up with is a series of families who have nothing to do with one-another, who are only linked at a series of nodes. Eventually you realise that you don’t have a maternal and paternal side of your family, you have an infinite set of splits (or joins, depending how you look at it).

Or maybe that isn’t always so. Eventually most trees, if you follow them far enough, probably go back to villages that may (by and large) have existed, with the same set of people, for hundred or even thousands of years. When you hit a little village like that, you no longer think in terms of names – they’re all related to you. The whole village. Every last one of them. Through hundreds of interweaving trees.

Probably.

So when you’re telling the story of where you came from, it isn’t the story of one family. It’s the story of many lines, from many places. And it gets all the more convoluted when you stretch your definition of family away from your immediate ancestors to collateral lines. And sometimes, to people who are completely unrelated to you by blood, but with whom you share a sense of family.